A .500 Week 9 brings the Sure-fire picks to 30-34 for the season. With more parody than ever in the NFL, handicapping the spreads is next to impossible. I’ll keep trying anyway.

Arizona at Minnesota (-8.5), 1 p.m. Sunday

If these guys can't pull things together Sunday, heads will roll.

The situation in Minnesota is a complete circus, but the Cardinals are a very bad football team. I expect a very angry and embarrassed Vikings’ team to slaughter Arizona. Vikings -8.5.

New Orleans (-6.5) at Carolina, 1 p.m. Sunday

The Panthers nearly upset the Saints in New Orleans earlier this season, but it won’t happen again. The Saints made a statement against the Steelers Sunday and I expect an easy victory heading into their bye week. Saints -6.5.

Miami at Baltimore (-5), 1 p.m. Sunday

The Dolphins good fortunes on the road end in Baltimore. After nearly losing to the Bills and a bye week, the Ravens will be ready. Ravens -5.

Chicago (-3) at Buffalo, 1 p.m. Sunday

The Bills will win a football game this season and after consecutive heartbreaking overtime losses to top-tier AFC teams, the time is now. Bills +3.

San Diego (-3) at Houston, 1 p.m. Sunday

This spread stands out to me. I have no idea how the Chargers are favored in this spot, especially with Antonio Gates likely sitting out. Texans +3.

N.Y. Giants (-7) at Seattle, 4:05 p.m. Sunday

This matchup boils down to four words for me – who is Charlie Whitehurst? If you don’t know either, he’s the starting quarterback for the Seahawks on Sunday. Giants -7.

Dallas at Green Bay (-7), 8:30 p.m. Sunday

The Cowboys are a lost cause. They showed last week they no longer care. Once the Packers get out to a lead in Lambeau this contest will spiral out of control. Packers -7.

Pittsburgh (-4.5) at Cincinnati, 8:40 p.m. Monday

My predictions don’t come true often, but I did see a mediocre season coming for the Bengals. But at 2-5, calling the Bengals mediocre would be kind. At home against the Steelers they should at least compete. Bengals +4.5.